FASTING FROM DOUBT

I’m fasting from Doubt

I am fasting from Doubt.
I am fasting from Doubt and all of its contemporaries: disbelief, fear and anxiety.
After thinking through an array of physical elements from which I might willingly abstain for 40 days (coffee, my phone, wine, Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries), I realized, Doubt is the single most debilitating and destructive distraction in my life.
James 1: 5-8 reads:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

After a brief Google search, I discovered that there are three types of ocean waves:

1. Ripples or capillary waves appear on smooth water created by blowing wind.
2. Seas are larger waves formed under irregular and unsustained winds that can last long after the winds have died out.
3. Swells are formed when seas move away from their point of origin, separating naturally as per direction and wavelength.

I used to be a long, chronic swell.
I asked, mostly in faith, and then denied the possibility.
I knocked, only to run off with impatience.
I sought, only to forget what I was looking for.
Recently, I’ve gotten into trouble, as the gathering of these small instances moved into a gradual shift of heart and mind away from my point of origin. With every prayer I’ve bounced off the ceiling, I’ve lost a bit of security, trust, faith, hope, promise, potential.
So, that was my life up until last week!
Withdrawal symptoms came on fast and strong, as I didn’t quite know what to do with all my spare time. Since denying Doubt, I realized I am able to pay attention and actually hear what’s being said. It’s rather nice to take people at their word and no longer second guess their or my motives.
I’m a bit taller since that steady slide into the black hole of tragic “what ifs” has been removed, vacuum-sealed—and I’m considering keeping it capped permanently.
In the meantime, I’m spending a lot of time in Illinois rekindling my first loves: believing the Word of God and hanging with my best friend.
(I hope to take up origami or sudoku soon… I’ve gotta do something with all this extra mental space!)
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Written by Juliet Richardson
(Juliet is a part of the Soul City Community who currently lives in Utah…but can’t move to Chicago soon enough!)

This post first appeared on SOUL CITY, a blog I found via Gene Reinaman of the Chambersburg First Church of God. You may want to check it out. - Steve
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